During the winter months, I took a humorous look at driving in inclement weather. I even gave you some interesting pointers for trekking in winter (see “10 Tips For Winter Driving”). Well, now that we have reached the summer months and more car-friendly conditions, let’s have another go, shall we?
10 TIPS FOR SUMMER DRIVING
11’s Make Any Pavement Look Better
You bought those tires, screech ‘em! A cool pair of tire marks lets other drivers know that you have the means to put the power to the ground and that your Hyundai is the one to beat. This rule also applies for donuts and the famous “s” mark.
Take No Prisoners
You have a reputation to uphold. No stop light can hinder you. Look right, look left and size up the competition. Then when the light turns green…disappear.
If You Can’t Repair Your Brakes, Just Make Your Horn Louder.
Brake jobs are expensive. You can put off the expense by making your approach distance longer and letting everyone know you are coming.
If They Cut In Line, They Will Get There First
If you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, the space will be filled in by somebody who cannot possibly appreciate driving and will probably not do it with any sense of urgency or fluidity. Besides, don’t you just hate that guy who shoots through a hole in traffic that you saw first?
Your Number May Be Up
Heavy fog, and rain are life’s way of ensuring a natural selection process for hospitals, doctors, body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
Driving Is Like Chess. Don’t Give Away Your Next Move
Turn signals are for pansies! If you let people know which way you are going, they will probably make a counter-move. Don’t let other drivers outsmart you.
If There’s Enough Space For A Car To Fit…It’s A Lane
Ignore the stripes, lines and even the curb. If you can squeeze past Granny in the ’82 Cutlass, you can get where you’re going and look clever to the other drivers who didn’t think of it first.
It Ain’t Called “Rush Hour” For Nothin’
Everybody is in a hurry to get home. You should be too. We’ve got things to do and people to see. Put your foot on the gas and don’t look back – especially on extended weekends! While we are at it, let’s ask this question: “Why is there traffic EVERY DAY? These are the same people who go the same way every stinkin’ day and you still manage to clump together like a hairball in a drain pipe. Take another way home so that the rest of us can get on with our lives.
It’s Either The Pipes Or The Radio
Something has got to be loud! Sound on a car makes a statement. What statement do you wanna’ make – Aggressive, fuel-gulping growl or Pinto? Pavarotti or Pink Floyd? It’s up to you.
Rubbernecking Is Not A Traffic Hazard; It’s A Sign Of Respect
You have provided us with a perfectly masterful roadside accident and we would be remiss if we did not slow down to admire it. The carefully twisted sheet metal is a fine thing to behold. The inter-twining of two vehicles fused together is roadside artwork at its finest. Rage, alchemy, inertia and shame all coming together; the way you wrapped that CTS-V around that pole…”Bellissima!”
What are some of your own humorous summer driving tips?
